


Falling Into Place

by PennamePersona



Series: Clinic AU [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Clinic AU, Fluff, Humanstuck, Introspection, Karkat thinks a lot, M/M, No Game AU, Though they aren't in the clinic this time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 07:12:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2804024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PennamePersona/pseuds/PennamePersona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tonight is date night for Karkat Vantas and John Egbert. Tonight also marks four months since the beginning of their relationship. Four months isn't an eternity, but it's long enough that the pieces feel like they're fitting together.</p><p>This doesn't prevent Karkat from spending too much time in his head, though. It's a bad habit of his, and tonight, with John so close and everything feeling alright, he can't keep himself from slipping beneath the surface and analyzing what he can.</p><p>It's date night, four months into their relationship, and Karkat Vantas is starting to feel like everything could fall into place.</p><p>Second Installment of Clinic AU </p><p>Though, you could probably read it without having read the first. If you wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Into Place

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the second piece of the Clinic AU, though none of this actually takes place at the Clinic. You could probably read this without having read Patience for the Constant Patient, but in my mind, they are very much in the same universe.
> 
> I'm still hashing out the details of this verse, so if this seems strange to you, please feel free to inform me. I'm getting into these characters, so this verse definitely has the potential of continuing on! There's a lot of backstory to bring out, characters that have roles to play. I think I may bring it all out, but I am going to need some feedback to do so. 
> 
> If you have comments/questions, in addition to leaving them here, you can also contact me at my tumblr: pennamepersona.tumblr.com.
> 
> [Buy me a coffee!](https://ko-fi.com/A375K8Q)

You stare at the mirror in front of you, hardly able to believe what you are seeing. There cannot be any way that this is actually happening.

"Karkat." Kanaya taps your shoulder, no doubt attempting to return you to the realm of reality. She's going to have to wait. You are not in any way ready for that. "Karkat, you have to leave in fifteen minutes. Is the outfit satisfactory?"

Alright, that is just about enough to get you talking. 'Is it satisfactory,' she asks. Kanaya Maryam could be famous designing clothes if she wanted. She could dress celebrities, be interviewed by reporters, appear in any and every high class fashion magazine in the world. Instead, she is a nurse in a doctor's clinic, holding the hands of children while they get their booster shots.

"Kanaya, it looks fantastic, and you know that." You say, meeting her eyes in the mirror. She smiles and smooths out non-existent wrinkles on your shirt.

"Yes, you are right. John will not know what to do with himself." She says, and you can see that twinkle of pleasure in her eyes. She loves having the chance to dress you up, loves taking a precious moment of free time to sketch out a design. You've watched her doodle gorgeous dresses on a napkin, seen her nearly faint in pleasure when one of the people in your shared friend group asks her to "fix" a piece of clothing.

(She'll repair a tear, adjust a seam, add a button here or there, and suddenly the thing is completely different and the person in question is a proud owner of a Kanaya Maryam original, which was probably why they asked in the first place.) 

"Thanks." You say, turning around to look her directly in the eyes. "Really, I look great. I never could have done this myself."

"You are welcome, Karkat." She says, and there it is, that soft expression that pulls at your heart - it's happy-sad and you know that she's content with her life, but sometimes you wish that she could just do what she wanted, even though she claims not to mind.

"Now shoo," You say, stepping away from the mirror and gently pushing her towards the door. "I can manage to brush my hair myself."

"Yes, Karkat, I know," She says, and you know that for now, her introspection is being replaced by fond amusement. 

"And Kanaya?" You say, just before you close the door. She looks back at you. "You should call Rose tonight. Do something fun."

She smiles, nods. She knows what you're doing. She does the same to you, when you need it. 

"Yes, Karkat. Now, are you certain you don't require my assista -"

"Kanaya, I can brush my own hair!" You half-yell, closing the door with a bit of force. You hear her laughing on the other side, and you smile.

* * *

The plan is for you and John to meet at the restaurant, but you know that both of you are going to attempt to pick the other up. That's why you left twenty minutes early, braving the suspiciously-okay March weather to walk to his apartment. His place is a block up from the restaurant, while the apartment you share with Kanaya is two blocks down. It's a very convenient placement, as you're bound to run into each other one way or another.

You're only a few buildings away from his apartment when the door opens, and he steps out. He turns, sees you, and rolls his eyes. 

"Just couldn't wait, huh?" He asks, walking to meet you.

"And you weren't leaving ten minutes early so you could get to the restaurant, arrive before me, and decide "on the spot" to go pick me up?" You ask, and he laughs.

"Ha, fine, you got me." He's smiling at you. He's always smiling, so it really shouldn't be something that stands out, but it does. It isn't just a casual smile, the kind he gives to strangers on the street. It's the kind of warm, wonderful smile that reaches into his eyes, and that's it right there, that's what makes it special. You can look at his whole face and see the proof that he's really, genuinely, completely _happy_  to see you.

"Come on, you dork." You say, and you know that your affection must be written all over your face. 

He slings an arm around your shoulder, making walking a bit awkward, but it's worth it to feel that ridiculous, physical extension of his desire to be near you. 

"Careful, you might trip." You say, nudging him a bit, and he actually does stumble. He catches himself easily enough, but it's just further proof of how clumsy your boyfriend really is.

"At least I've got a nurse with me," John says, poking at your cheek. You raise an eyebrow.

"I'm off duty. If you fall and sprain something, I am not coddling your ass." You say it in a serious way, like you actually mean it. He laughs, really throws back his head for a moment.

"Karkat, there is no actual way I'm going to buy that. When I got sick, you brought me soup literally every day." He says, and alright, you can't really stick to your serious face anymore. 

It's true. Two months into your relationship, he got sick with a bad cold for a week. It was a miserable week for him, and you probably would have stayed with him for nearly the entire time if you hadn't had work. Instead, you'd come every single day after your shift ended with a container of Kanaya's famous healing soup. It was the very best thing to eat when sick. Honestly, you would prescribe it officially if you were able. You were pretty good at making it, but Kanaya was better, so the only real practice you got was when she was sick herself, which wasn't often. He had been worried about getting you sick, but like Kanaya, you rarely got sick, especially with the cold or flu. The two of you dealt with a ton of sick kids, which meant that you were short-term exposed to a lot of things. You had killer immune systems, which was a good reason to keep wiping kid's snotty noses.

"Alright, fine." You admit, somewhat grudgingly. "Oh, joy, here we are."

He lets go of your shoulders to open the door and hold it for you. You roll your eyes, but there's a small smile on your face as well. The two of you are then taken to your reserved table, which makes the whole experience feel that much more official and fancy.

The restaurant isn't as classy as it likes to seem, though it does make you glad that Kanaya put a tie on you. The food is good, but not as expensive as a higher-class joint, which works just fine for both John and you. You and Kanaya used to come here once a month, dressed to the nines (or as close to that as a couple of people just out of college could get), and spend the night feeling rich on quality food and a somewhat stable life. You haven't come here in a while, though, and you think that maybe you should start that up again. The atmosphere feels familiar, and you sink into the nostalgia for a moment.

"What's up, Karkat?" John asks, tilting his head in curiosity at your silence. 

"Kanaya and I used to come here." You say, and you aren't sure what else to add. John just nods, then looks a bit uncomfortable.

"What is it?" You ask, taking a sip of your wine. He looks down at his hands, fidgets, then looks back up at you.

"Can I ask you a question that might sound a little weird?" He asks, and you freeze for a brief second, mind racing to what on earth _that_  might mean. 

"Go ahead," You say, a bit hesitantly. He takes a deep breath, still seeming uncomfortable.

"Why are you and Kanaya so close?" He asks, and you half-relax. This question has been asked so many times before, even long ago when it wasn't about Kanaya, that you are relatively familiar with it. You breathe in and out, focusing on the breaths, like Kanaya told you to years ago (it feels like an eternity), when you were so much more angry at everything. 

"Well, it's a bit much to get into, especially tonight." You say, and he nods carefully. "She's . . ."

You sigh, put your head down for a moment.

"I've had problems in relationships before because of how close we are. People have gotten suspicious and left, but I'll tell you this right now. Kanaya is more than just my friend, but I've never felt anything sexual towards her." You look him dead in the eye, serious in ways that you usually aren't with him, not yet. "She's the person I go to when I have problems, and she does the same. She's one of the people I'm closest to in the world, and I'm not giving that up. I've had people I'm close to fall apart on me, and she helped me out more than I ever would have asked. I don't really want to get into details right now, if you can understand that."

"Yeah, yeah, of course." He says, and he really has been taking you seriously this whole time. "I didn't think you two seemed really . . . romancey, but there's something about your relationship with her. I was just curious, I guess?"

You shrug.

"Fair enough. I'll tell you more, someday, if you want to know. Tonight, though . . ." You feel yourself flushing a bit, and there's fluttering awakening in your stomach. You push your hand forward on the table, and his meets yours, threading your fingers together.

You stay like that for a while, just sort of staring at each other. He's said before that he really likes looking at your eyes, and while that seemed strange to you on the surface, you supposed that you could understand the sentiment. You could look at the blue of his eyes for hours and not get bored.

You jump a bit when the server arrives, and he grins. You glare at him with no heat behind your gaze, then focus on the food in front of you. It's still just that little bit easier to not focus on him, but you don't feel awkward about it, not really. There's something comfortable in your relationship, though you don't really know what it is or what causes it. Maybe it's the way that he stumbles into his affectionate gestures, making it hard to doubt them. Maybe it's his ridiculous, enthusiastic optimism, such a contrast to your views, which are just barely above pessimistic.

"Hey Karkat?" He says after a few minutes, and you look up at him. He's sort of smiling, and it grows the longer he looks at you. "I'm really glad that I get to do this kind of stuff with you."

"You mean eating?" You ask, familiar sarcasm coating your words. He laughs.

"No, I mean, I like just being close to you, enjoying your company. But I also really like doing stuff like this, all official with a bunch of people around, and somehow it's still just you and me." He smiles so honestly, then looks a bit embarrassed. "Does that make any sense?"

Maybe it's statements like that, you think. Maybe it's the way your heart actually  _flutters_  when he says them. And maybe it's the smile when he says them, a different one then what he normally has, all full of lo - _affection_ , full of affection, Karkat, don't let your heart run away with you - affection and happiness and not covered up the way you'd expect. You wonder sometimes how John Egbert gets away with wearing his heart openly, how he hasn't had it crushed yet.

"Fucking idiot," You say, and you hope that your expression manages to convey what you're trying to communicate to him. "It makes perfect sense."

What his face does next seems far too soft and sweet to be a grin.

* * *

As delicious as the food is, you're glad when the two of you leave the restaurant. You do agree with John; it's nice to do things that feel official, to have the chance to show the world that this boy, this man, is yours and that you are his. And sometimes the world really does seem to shrink down, and you get startled by the others in it. 

But after you leave, he grabs your hand and pulls you along until you get to the city park. It was already dark when you got to the restaurant, so now, there's the feeling that everything you do is under the protective covering of that darkness. 

And maybe you don't do much, but you don't really have to. Strolling through the park with him, hand in hand, the night just on the edge of too cold, the brightness of the stars almost knocking the breath out of you . . . there's not much you'd trade this for. 

There are moments of silence, interspersed between conversations that hop, skip, jump around, and so does he, right along with them. He seems like he's trying to fly, leaping away from you, gesturing wildly with his hands, like he expects the very air around him to move with what he says. At one point, he leaps away, but comes back to you almost instantly, grabbing your hands and holding them close between the two of you, bringing his forehead close to yours and actually touching your noses together. 

You push away thoughts of the last person to eskimo kiss you because that doesn't have a place in tonight, either. Instead, you tilt your head and seal your lips together, feeling every point on contact between the two of you in a way that seems bone deep. His hands pull out of yours, find their way to the sides of your face. You realize that your hands are in his hair a few seconds after they arrive, and you curl them into that messy block mop - not that you have much room to talk, you probably should have let Kanaya do your hair, but oh, does that really matter when you can feel his tongue tracing your lips, when his breath is mixing with yours?

When you finally separate, his eyes are sparkling brighter than the stars, and they really do knock the breath out of you.

For one wild moment, all you can think is that you don't want to go home. You don't want to leave the park, you don't want to leave _John_. Four months feels short and long all at the same time; you've gotten so used to guarding your heart that you still feel caught off guard, sometimes, by these moments when you want to jump into this thing heart first.

You're still staring at each other, and it doesn't feel strange. It's starting to, now, but there's a part of you that wants to stay like this.

"John," You say, and you aren't sure how you're going to finish this sentence. There are so many ways that you could, that you want to, but you don't want to screw this up. "I don't want to leave."

That sums it up pretty well, actually. You don't know how he could possibly respond, though, gah, that was such a stupid fucking thing to say, why did you say that? You shouldn't have said that, now he's going to give you that look, and that's going to be the unfortunate end of _this_ night, and -

"Me neither." He says, and his hands are still on the sides of your face. You are silent for a moment, just looking at him.

When you kiss him this time, it's not rushed or heated, but it's desperate all the same. You want to put some of yourself in him, take some of him into you. You really aren't sure why you feel so strongly about this idiot, but you do, _you do_.

You do, more than you knew before. You're so used to pushing and being pushed, away, away, gone, just you holding it all together until you _can't_ anymore. You're twenty-five years old, you're too old to be reckless enough and too young to be careful enough. Or maybe you'll never be careful enough, maybe you'll always just be holding back from being reckless, maybe you'll never be enough.

John pulls away from your lips, kissing down your jaw, getting to your neck and kissing, pulling, sucking, and you let out a low groan. 

" _Karkat_ ," He says, and it's that voice, it's that _voice_ , you're tripping, you're stumbling, you can actually feel yourself on the brink.

You can feel yourself, ready to fall, and you are terrified.

"Karkat," He says again, and it's quieter, softer, almost as soft as the kiss he presses to the bruising skin on your neck. 

" _John_ ," You say, and it's so quiet in the park that your broken voice can be heard, and he pulls away from your neck, up to your face, and you see his eyes, those expressive eyes, you can see everything that he's feeling and it's everything, _everything_  that you need to see

And you are _falling_  


Falling, falling hard, falling so hard that you wonder what it's going to feel like at the bottom, wonder if you are going to _hit_ the bottom.

"John," You say, and it's the same soft noise, the same gentle whisper.

You kiss one last time, and it's soft, it's careful, it's gentle, it's sweet. You feel it throughout all of you, in your aching heart and aching bones, in your blood that feels _hot_ in your veins, in your ultra-sensitive nerves, and most of all, you feel it in your mind, which is, for one blessed moment, _quiet_.

"We should probably get going," He says, chuckling against your lips. "Unless you want to sleep in the park."

You think that you probably could, if you really wanted to, and that's what gets you laughing. You put your head on John's chest, laugh with him, feel his abdomen move against your hands.

"No, I don't think so." You say. "What would we do, anyway, sleep in a fucking tree?"

"Yeah!" He says, his face lighting up like a damn toddler's. "We could be squirrels for a night!"

"Egbert." You say, face devoid of laughter, replaced by your tried and true deadpan. "We are not being fucking squirrels for any night, ever."

"Well I didn't say we had to do _that_ ," He says, and your facepalm does seem to alleviate some of the idiocy in the air.

"Dammit, John," You say, and he's laughing again.

* * *

When you return to the apartment, Kanaya is gone, presumably with Rose. You're glad to have some time alone, to sort out your thoughts. 

Well. 

That's a lie, actually. If Kanaya was here, she'd probably make you think things through, and while that's not really a bad thing, right now you don't want to do it. What you want to do is take off the nice outfit she put you in, slip on an old t-shirt and pajama pants, and climb into bed.

So you do, and tonight, when you're staring up at the ceiling, things seem good. You're not really worrying about anything, and that feels nice, so you don't push it, for once.

You drift off into sleep with a small smile on your face and the ghost imprint of John Egbert's mouth on your neck. 


End file.
